changes

it's been awhile since i've posted on here huh. sometimes i let my public blogs die a little before resuming. because i'm a bitch like that.

so what have i been doing all month? SO much.

first off, there was camp. camp was so awesome this year. and my cabin won best new cabin, again!

panny fuxXx was outta control. in addition to a giant stuffed fish that served as our mascot (and that avah ended up taking home), we also had instruments, costumes and liquor. so, so much liquor. and, as is requisite to earn best new cabin, we partied like rockstars and subsequently trashed our cabin AND got noise complaints. PANNY FUXXX 4EVA!!!! we are cooler than you.

i also met my goal in coming to camp. i didn't have sex with anyone! yeah i gave a couple of blowjobs, but come on. i don't care what anyone says, oral sex, while risky, is not the same thing as penetrative sex.

what did i do instead? i hung out with all my friends. i lazed by the pool (and got a giant peeling sunburn on my tatas). i explored the campgrounds with my cabinmate match and we ended up out by the susquehanna river. and oh yeah, i got dragged around by a hole in my face at the petting zoo. DEFINITELY doing mermaid play as much as possible.

so yeah, camp was successful for me. i got to see my friends and make many delectable new ones. and the comedown wasn't as bad this year, due in part to the fact that i am now gainfully employed monday - friday. w00t.

i'm really glad i was able to pull off having a (mostly) celibate good time at camp. i see myself heading in a different direction with the scene, and i'm happy that i feel comfortable developing stronger platonic friendships within the alternative lifestyles community.

i've also been rereading the spiral dance, which has been interesting. i see the first half of the book as being much more relevant to my book club than the last half, but i've enjoyed seeing how starhawk uses a sex-positive approach to un-demonise natural sexual tendencies and form a healing and accepting new religion. i don't know that i'm interested in bringing wicca back into my life at this juncture but i've started taking an atheist approach to paganism that has been satisfying. still trying to figure out when the next book club meeting will be - i'll announce it here for anyone who wants to participate!

it's strange how much i'm changing right now. i mean i'm only 22 but i thought i had things largely figured out at 20.

i don't know that i've mentioned going off the pill. i initially decided to go off the pill so that i wouldn't have any more excuses to have unprotected sex. it's been SUCH a head-trip. for one thing, i've noticed that my libido's gone down significantly. it makes me wonder how much of my participation in an alternative lifestyle, and how many of my more risky choices within that lifestyle, was fueled by an inflated libido and a decreased sense of personal responsibility caused by my going on the pill. i'm not trying to demonise either taking the pill or engaging in an alternative lifestyle, but i do know that had i known more about how the pill would affect my behaviour i may not have started taking it.

where does that leave me with the scene exactly? i still do consider myself polyamorous, but i may be taking a step back from the casual-sex aspects of the scene. maybe i'll pull a kinkster and get really good at one particular kind of kink, and stick with that. who knows. one thing i am trying to do is have more open discussions with fellow kinksters about ethics within the non-monogamous community.

so, september's been a productive month, at least mentally. i may be a slacker but i've got some good ideas. now it's just a matter of updating this blog more than once a month!